HANGING BY A THREAD
If Manu the ancient lawgiver could have forseen the effect of
devising a mangalsutra as a symbol of
wedded bliss, he might have revised his prescription. It is to his credit that
the custom has sustained through 15 centuries according to ancient manuscripts
which proclaim the origin to 6th Century A.D. In Sanksrit, mangala means “holy or auspicious” and sutra is thread.
India being a land of diversity there are are various mangalsutras. The Lakshmi thali worn by the Telegus, the Ela
Thali by the Malayalis, the kumbha
thali worn by the Tamil Kshatriyas, the diamond pendant on black beads by some North
Indians, and the Maharashtrians, wear a pendant of two vati ornaments. Originally in South India only the yellow thread
was worn, but given up due to impracticality and fashion trends in the chain
designs.
Adi Sankara in his Soundarya Laheri emphasised on the significance of the mangal sutra presumably worn for the long life of the
husband. Hindu women led by religious custom and social expectations would
never remove the thali, even on
dressy occasions when other heavy necklets were worn. Of course the other
symbols of a married woman, a sumangali were
the toe rings, the kumkum or bindi, and glass bangles.
The woman was shorn of all these symbols when her husband
died. In the old days it was this custom
which branded a woman a widow, so no man went near her, and devoid of these beautiful adornments she looked “less
attractive”, to men who would otherwise give an unattached woman the glad eye.
In some communities the head of the widow is shaved and she wears widows
weeds which loudly proclaim her status.
White in India is also associated with widowhood, all of these cruel customs
which need to be dispensed with.
Feminists today question the significance of the mangalsutra, and, recently spotlighted
in the news was “unequal power play” between the married couple, describing the thali round the woman’s neck as merely
shackles, and controlled by a man who “owned” her. We all recall the big hooha that went on
followed by debates, in the media which is quick to grab unusual stories. Some women went to the extent of removing the
thali and throwing it off in the
presence of a smiling husband, and it was certainly a show of emancipation and
that too in conservative South Indian society.
Society is indeed dynamic and cultural traditions were cast
for certain reasons which were valid for that period of time. One needs to bow down to the wheels of change,
to a very modern society which does not recognise the need for all these
symbols. Why then do we go through the rituals of marriage? Is it a drama, a
spectacle endured for the benefit of a large audience? Why stretch it to five days, including
traditions which might not be really ours like mehndhi, sangeeth and so
on?
For some of us, the thali
is a comfort jewel, when we as young brides
valued and honoured it. It
becomes so much a part of daily dressing that, the occasional absence when it
needs to be redone, or during hospital stays, one feels lost and deprived. Not
so the next gen I thought, so it surprised us no end when our Bengali
daughter-in-law, so thali driven
wears it all the time!! To me, it is a security symbol, and I am so conditioned
to it, that bereft of this chain, I don’t feel fully dressed.
A symbol of marriage
be it a wedding ring, or a chain, or just the yellow thread, does seem
important at the time of the wedding ceremony, and there are only a handful of
women and men who would sign at the registrars office without a sentimental
symbol of being married, irrespective of religion. caste or creed.
I have to share this about an aunt in her younger days, who
would hang her thali over a peg on
the coatstand every night before she went to bed, wearing it only after her
bath in the morning. She did this surreptiously, covering the chain with a
towel, knowing it would incite a great deal of criticism from elders in the
household, not to mention having to face the horror writ large on the face of
the maids! One fine day, thanks to a memory lapse she forgot to wear it. As she was stirring her curry, she remembered,
and reached the coatstand in a flash only to find the thali
gone.
Unable to publicise her loss she went about in asking her
children and her husband in whispers whether they had seen the four sovereigns thali . The immediate family was amused,
as they watched her pull out the drawers in a frenzy and diving into the
clothes cupboard in a futile hunt. Aunty
dare not ask the maids, knowing she would be reprimanded , and she was nervous
to incur the wrath of her in-laws. Happily, her husband produced the chain,
which he had safely put away, and couldn’t resist lecturing her on
carelessness. On his part he couldn’t care a whit whether she wore it or not.
68 years of Independence and are our women independent or not
and are they hung up on age old customs or is it plain conditioning? Would you
rather not wear a thali or is it part
of your skin? These are questions I would love to hear the answers to!!
